Personal Log: Ben Versteegt

Uh-oh... I think it has happened already. I was downstairs, listening to a cd with Christmas songs. Pretty normal, you would say, since we're getting closer and closer to Christmas day/eve/whatever every day. But I found myself thinking that Christmas, the event, isn't really anything else than a commercial event. Presents, Santa Claus... all fun, of course, but too commercial. It's all about the gifts and about buying presents, trees, decorations, food, things like that. But that's just the world we live in, of course. I just can't help thinking that we're rapidly loosing track of the real thought behind Christmas.

Then I ask myself: what is the real thought behind Christmas? Is it the birth of Jesus we are celebrating? Is Christmas perhaps a celebration that the days will finally get longer? Is it a reminder that we all should be nice to each other? Actually, it has become a combination of these. Well, fine. That's really great, of course. But, at the risk of sounding selfish, what does Christmas mean for me? The answer is: not particularly anything. Sure, there's great food, but I can have great food at another time of year too without any occasion (or, maybe even better, with a valid occasion). A Christmas tree? Sure, a tree in the house is nice, and fun to look at and smell. But it represents nothing. We have a Christmas tree mostly because tradition demands it and because we like to have a tree in the house. Listening Christmas songs? True, it is nice to listen to those songs, but a good atmosphere can also be created with other songs. Not that I dislike listening to those songs, but their content often does serve to remind me that Christmas, the Christmas feeling and the Christmas spirit, don't really apply to me. Although, I have to admit, the special atmosphere that comes with Christmas is great.

But if the only thing about Christmas that matters to me is the atmosphere of it, then what meaning does Christmas have for me?

As such thoughts raced through my head, a disturbing image appeared: I was shouting out of a window to a happy, Christmas-loving Muppet town (yes, I remember the muppet version vividly ) "Christmas? Bah, humbug!" This may be going a little too far, though, but I do feel that Christmas has lost a lot of its value for me (not to the point of it being humbug, however).

This wasn't the most disturbing. I have always thought as myself growing old as a grumpy, cynical old man, and growling at and criticizing modern society. I would sit in my comfy rocking chair, spouting cynical remarks once in a while and being skeptical at everything modern society had to offer. I just never thought I would grow to that point so fast. Now I fear that this time has arrived -- while I'm not sitting in a rocking chair yet, I'm definitely being skeptical about even the most joyous occasion there is (supposed to be) in a year. I'm growing cynical and skeptical -- it could be a result of my philosophy studies -- and I'm not sure I dislike it. Looking at society with a skeptical and critical eye can be a virtue, but, as strange as it may sound, there is something to be said for the herd-mentality of not having to make hard decisions and to take life as it comes.

Look at me... Wallowing about being critical, while it's a great strength. This blog entry has turned into self-pity, it seems. Ah well. I'm making it all sound incredibly serious, while it may not be serious at all. Next thing you know I'll be closing this blog by saying to my grand-children that it's all "just the ramblings of an old man." Holy crap. I sound old.

I'm going to finish this before this turns into an even more silly story. It does sound silly, I suppose. Yet I am growing dangerously close to that image of the old man in the rocking chair, and I have to ask myself: "Do I really want to be like him?" I don't know. But I do know I won't be buying a rocking chair any time soon.

Well, gotta go now. There are cheery Christmas songs downstairs. Let's see if I can capture a part of the Christmas mood and dissect it, analyse it and find out what makes it tick; what it really is. Or I could just enjoy Christmas.

Merry Christmas
(Cynical addition: for what it's worth).

Categories: Ben's Logs