Personal Log: Ben Versteegt

Uh-oh... I think it has happened already. I was downstairs, listening to a cd with Christmas songs. Pretty normal, you would say, since we're getting closer and closer to Christmas day/eve/whatever every day. But I found myself thinking that Christmas, the event, isn't really anything else than a commercial event. Presents, Santa Claus... all fun, of course, but too commercial. It's all about the gifts and about buying presents, trees, decorations, food, things like that. But that's just the world we live in, of course. I just can't help thinking that we're rapidly loosing track of the real thought behind Christmas.

Then I ask myself: what is the real thought behind Christmas? Is it the birth of Jesus we are celebrating? Is Christmas perhaps a celebration that the days will finally get longer? Is it a reminder that we all should be nice to each other? Actually, it has become a combination of these. Well, fine. That's really great, of course. But, at the risk of sounding selfish, what does Christmas mean for me? The answer is: not particularly anything. Sure, there's great food, but I can have great food at another time of year too without any occasion (or, maybe even better, with a valid occasion). A Christmas tree? Sure, a tree in the house is nice, and fun to look at and smell. But it represents nothing. We have a Christmas tree mostly because tradition demands it and because we like to have a tree in the house. Listening Christmas songs? True, it is nice to listen to those songs, but a good atmosphere can also be created with other songs. Not that I dislike listening to those songs, but their content often does serve to remind me that Christmas, the Christmas feeling and the Christmas spirit, don't really apply to me. Although, I have to admit, the special atmosphere that comes with Christmas is great.

But if the only thing about Christmas that matters to me is the atmosphere of it, then what meaning does Christmas have for me?

As such thoughts raced through my head, a disturbing image appeared: I was shouting out of a window to a happy, Christmas-loving Muppet town (yes, I remember the muppet version vividly ) "Christmas? Bah, humbug!" This may be going a little too far, though, but I do feel that Christmas has lost a lot of its value for me (not to the point of it being humbug, however).

This wasn't the most disturbing. I have always thought as myself growing old as a grumpy, cynical old man, and growling at and criticizing modern society. I would sit in my comfy rocking chair, spouting cynical remarks once in a while and being skeptical at everything modern society had to offer. I just never thought I would grow to that point so fast. Now I fear that this time has arrived -- while I'm not sitting in a rocking chair yet, I'm definitely being skeptical about even the most joyous occasion there is (supposed to be) in a year. I'm growing cynical and skeptical -- it could be a result of my philosophy studies -- and I'm not sure I dislike it. Looking at society with a skeptical and critical eye can be a virtue, but, as strange as it may sound, there is something to be said for the herd-mentality of not having to make hard decisions and to take life as it comes.

Look at me... Wallowing about being critical, while it's a great strength. This blog entry has turned into self-pity, it seems. Ah well. I'm making it all sound incredibly serious, while it may not be serious at all. Next thing you know I'll be closing this blog by saying to my grand-children that it's all "just the ramblings of an old man." Holy crap. I sound old.

I'm going to finish this before this turns into an even more silly story. It does sound silly, I suppose. Yet I am growing dangerously close to that image of the old man in the rocking chair, and I have to ask myself: "Do I really want to be like him?" I don't know. But I do know I won't be buying a rocking chair any time soon.

Well, gotta go now. There are cheery Christmas songs downstairs. Let's see if I can capture a part of the Christmas mood and dissect it, analyse it and find out what makes it tick; what it really is. Or I could just enjoy Christmas.

Merry Christmas
(Cynical addition: for what it's worth).

This blog serves two purposes: to inform you about the stories I plan to write in the near and distant future, but also to remind me of those stories. I might forget, you know.

My Great Odyssey Story
I have been planning and writing this from time to time for the past year or so. It still lacks a name, but it counts 94 pages already, and I haven't even introduced the Odyssey to the story yet... This is one of my "main" stories, aka the stories I am currently (reasonably) actively working on. This particular story features the Odyssey and its crew, just after the mission at Pabloias Prime. The ship and crew get thrown into the middle of a temporal crisis and have to work together with a crew from the future to save the past...

One update before I even post this message: I have sort of closed off one part, so now I'm ready to begin working on the Odyssey part. The crew has gone through some changes after the Pabloias Prime mission -- some have been promoted, others have joined the ship, and again others have left. Memories and traumas of previous missions haunt some of the crew, as friends say goodbye and those who don't want to see each other are forced to meet face to face. On top of that, something other than a civil war threatens life on Pabloias Prime. It is up to the crew of the Odyssey to put a stop to whatever is going on -- but that is only the beginning of their adventures.

Star Trek: Batavia: "The Test"
A number of years ago, the idea of creating a ship and crew of my own popped up in my head. I wrote a number of stories (in Dutch and in scriptform) about this USS Batavia. Recently, I have begun to re-write the first episode, called "The Test", in the STFF posting format and in English. While I'm at it, I'm adding a lot of character building, descriptions and details. The first few "chapters" of this story can already be read at the FF fanfic forums.

The Alpha Centauri Mystery
You may have read this story (or a few chapters of it anyway) in the newspaper or at Bram's website, where Bram has graciously put the chapters so far. I was planning on finishing the story by chapter 20, but I'm not sure I will be able to do that. It takes more space than I had originally planned (not that I've planned much about this story), and a chapter/part of 8 or more pages may be possible, but not really practical to put in a newspaper... The story, then, may contain more chapters, but the chapters won't be ridiculously long.

The Jalando and Velden story
This is of course not the name of the story, but we haven't thought of a name yet. This is actually a story that Rob (who plays Jalando) and I are going to write together, so it should be fun. Velden (who is most likely already FO of the Atlantis in the time the story will play) has been granted shore leave and returns to the Alpha Quadrant to go to a science/engineering conference on a recently discovered planet. The rulers of that planet say they have made a discovery that will make warp travel obselete. Starfleet's brightest are invited (but Velden will go anyway). Meanwhile, Jeff Jalando leaves Pandora Station and its current troubles with a radical group of anti-Starfleet civilians, to attend the conference as well; The aliens have agreed to modify the Solstice with this revolutionary new means of travel. Additionally, Velden arrives on the Solstice to travel to the conference as well. But will the Solstice really be modified, or will the ship be a pawn in the hands of those who mean harm to Starfleet and the Federation? And will Velden and Jalando be able to stop these hypothetical evildoers?

These are all relatively solid plans, with an already worked out plotline. The first three I'm already working on, the fourth is a bit on hold for the moment. The following plans and/or storylines are more ideas than actual worked out plots.

An Academy Story: a Winter Tale
I'm planning on doing a story about Lieutenant Winter, instructor at Starfleet Academy, who is on a training mission with a bunch of cadets when something goes horribly wrong, and the cadets need to act like Starfleet Officers to solve it. Maybe something about Winter getting hurt... I don't quite know yet. Rumour has it that Rob's character, admiral Baine, will play a part in this story too.

Velden's youth
I'd like to do a story about how Paul Velden grew up on Vulcan. As only human in a class of full Vulcans, he was unable to live up to the standards and expectations that the Vulcans held for him. This would be mostly a character development story. It would be nice to develop his character a bit more.

Holograms
This is still pretty much in the idea fase, but the idea is that a Starfleet officer creates a holographic environment, and makes a holographic friend to talk to. She turns out to be irresistable, just as he programmed her, and they fall in love. Eventually, the Starfleet officer thinks about her girlfriend's existence -- while she may not exist, his love for her does. Also nice would be the reverse: the story from a hologram's point of view. When she is told that she is nothing more than a hologram, she refuses to believe it.

Various Batavia Stories
Besides the four or five scripts I have already written for Batavia (in Dutch) and which I plan to re-write them to real stories, I have some other ideas for Batavia stories as well. The most prominent is a story about the Batavia travelling back in time to stop a criminal from changing Earth's history by killing an important person in the hystory of that planet. The shock comes when it turns out that the person he is trying to kill is... Hitler. The moral implications (saving Hitler? Are you out of your mind?) make for great story material.

Another time travel story for the Batavia I had in mind is that the Borg go to Wolf 359 again; from the future, they send reinforcements to the past to assist the cube. The Batavia goes after them, but is forced to destroy the original Borg cube in the process, thus changing history; then, in the future, where the Federation is less prepared for threats like the Borg, the Dominion have overrun the Federation. The Batavia must again go back in time to correct things -- but does that mean shooting down their own ship?

A Voyager / M*A*S*H crossover story
Don't laugh, it's a serious idea. Okay, not so very serious, but it would make for some nice writing. For those of you who don't know MASH, it's a tv show about a bunch of doctors in a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital near the front line of the Korean War. This would be a chance to simply have fun and have Voyager characters interact with MASH characters, as well as a test for me of how accurately I can portrait established characters that aren't my own (might help a hypothetical professional writing career if I found out how well I can portrait canon characters).

A Dragonball Z/GT crossover story
Yes, you can laugh now. It's supposed to be funny. This would (hopefully) be a hilarious story about the Dragonball Z characters teaming up with the Enterprise D crew in a (totally unrealistic) fight against the Borg. ("Holy crap, the Borg adapted to my Kamehameha wave!")

Edit: Oops, I forgot a very important story I'm not really working on, but I'm having an idea of. Sort of. Here it is:

Tin'rala
Tin'rala is a Kotarrani: a race of highly spiritual aliens who, by accident, witnessed two Borg scout ships crashing on their planet. They have mixed this event with their ancient religion, and now believe that the Borg are the "Holified Ones"; their gods. Assimilation is their ultimate goal in life, for they think it will get them to their form of heaven: the Blessed Togetherness. Tin'rala is one of the Kotarrani who were on a mission to find the Borg, so that they could all be joined in the Blessed Togetherness. But then they arrived at Pandora Station. This mission was roleplayed, and I found it one of the more interesting missions; great plot, wonderful moral implications. I enjoyed playing Tin'rala (she was my character), and I think it would be great to write a story about the repercussions of their encounter with the Pandora crew. The Kotarrani are going home now, back to Kotarra, but strongly devided. Some still think that the Borg are the Holified Ones, but others, like Tin'rala, know that this belief is not only untrue, it is also very dangerous. If the Borg come to Kotarra, they will assimilate the entire population. She cannot let this happen, so she plans to fight the religion that will bring doom to Kotarra. I want to write about the civil war that ensues on the planet, and about the sacrifices Tin'rala is willing to make to prove her right and save her people -- but does she realise that by fighting this vehemently for what she believes in, she is, in a way, becoming just like those she is fighting?

Edit: I forgot to add another story I was thinking about. Here it is.
The Odyssey Begins
A while ago, I got the idea of writing a story about the Odyssey's "previous life", before she was found by the Calhoun. None of the current Odyssey crew would be on the ship -- it would be the same ship with a different crew, but with the same mission. The Captain might still be Captain Uderzo, who (if I recall correctly) was the Captain on the Odyssey when it was found by the Calhoun. The story (or stories) would probably be set during the Dominion War or just after it, when the Odyssey was first launched. It would also be interesting to have some of the current Ody crew return to that ship in the past via time travel, but I'm doing enough time travel stories as it is.

These are all ideas/stories which I am working on or thinking about so far. I have my work cut out for me... I'll add more when I come up with any more ideas for Star Trek stories. I am also thinking about non-Star Trek stories, but that is another matter entirely. I respectfully ask that no one takes my idea(s) and uses them for their own stories, because I am very exited about a few of them, and I'd hate to look like I am stealing someone else's ideas, while they were actually mind. So all ideas here are (c) Ben Versteegt, 2004. And not only 2004, but all future years as well as all past years, all time in between and all alternate realities. Just so you know.

Warning: heavy reading ahead. No fun topics or interesting websites, but a serious topic this time.

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The IRC chat is a wonderful means through which talking with others, about sharing ideas, exchanging mission ideas, having discussions and simply having fun becomes as easy as going to a pub with some friends -- in fact, it's easier. Instead of going out, having phone calls or meeting each other, you can talk through IRC. IRC has the benefit of being a chatroom, whereas MSN or ICQ are often used for contacting a sole person.

While the chat has added an extra dimension to my life in Frontier Fleet, so to speak, I am also frequently confronted with the disadvantages that are intrinsical to IRC (and other ways of chatting via the internet).

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While nuclear, chemical and biological warfare is plunging Uhuhland into oblivion, the government of Philosophers Inc -- true to its nature -- still debates what course of action to take, if any.

The government has agreed that it is "very sorry" for all that has happened here, especially because the war seemed to start when the Chemical Engineers dumped toxic waste on the beaches of our nation. In response to that, the nation of Total 'n Utter Insanity delivered an (uncalled for by the government of Philosophers Inc) ultimatum to CE, which the latter disregarded. This led to war, dragging other nations into the conflict as well.

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...Okay, it's a bit late (or a bit premature, depending how you look at it), since we're on the second day of October already. But I would still like to say something about what it means to enter a new month. Sure, it's just another day, but have you ever really stopped and thought about what is involved in the going of one month to another? I have, and it strikes me as odd that the transition from one month to another can mean so much.

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SOPHIA - Philosophers Inc's government is continuing its emergency session on the war that is threatening to engulf the whole of Uhuhland. Located in the capital city of Sophia, the Parliament Building is once again the stage of philosopher arguing against philosopher; compromises are reached slowly, as is customary in a discussion of this importance. However, the Supreme Court (functioning as chairmen during every governmental debate) has decided that the urgency of the present situation justifies certain drastic measures in the proceedings of the debate. A debate about the definition of the word "war" has been cut short; instead, the government has moved on to a debate on the definition of the word "attack". Never before has such rapidity been exercised. Concerning important debates such as the one currently being conducted, this is an historical turning point indeed.

A spokesperson of the Supreme Court has confirmed that "the debate is running smoothly and swiftly." He is positive that the outcome of the debate, which will be the official stance of Philosophers Inc to the war, will be known within the next couple of days.

As usual, the government has allowed information that is reasonably sure to become official to be reported to the public. Through these official channels, it has become known that Philosophers Inc will most likely condemn the attack on Gnatanamo. A spokesperson for the government has addressed Uhuh-Topia and the RopaTopian Alliance in a statement to the press. She said that "Philosophers Inc would like to commend the RopaTopian Alliance and Uhuh-Topia especially, for their policies of non-interference. By not getting involved in this conflict, you have brought a certainty in the region that had previously been lacking it." The spokesperson informed the press that the government was very sorry to hear about the possible extinction of the Brackish Marsh Mosquito, but that it was afraid that the demise of an insect would hardly be enough to convince the US to retreat from Gnatanamo.

Furthermore, the government informs the press that, while the reaction of the Common commons is understandable, it is not the reaction that Uhuhland needs at the moment. "Utter Stupidity and Ariddia must stop fighting," said spokeswoman for the government, P. Dora. "They shouldn't continue the fighting; certainly not with the help of allies." This comment was obviously directed at Feidippides, Damn History, Backwardistand and also at the Common Commons. "We're trying to stop a war here, people, not expand it to encompass the whole region!" said Dora in a rare outburst of emotion.

In light of the recent suggestion by Ariddia to form a region-wide Court of Justice, Philosophers Inc's government -- during a short recess in their debate -- unanimously announced that Philosophers Inc would give its full cooperation to this Court and, like the PDSRA, the government will regard itself legally bound by whatever the Court of Justice decides.

Talks with Ariddia have started about a possible location for this Court of Justice. "Our capital city, Sophia, would be the idea choice for the location of such a Court," said the Secretary of Justice to the press when asked about his opinion on the matter. "Philosophers Inc has always been known for looking at all sides of an issue and listening to all arguments before making a decision. Our Justice system is based on the principle too, and functions -- if I do say so myself -- honestly and perfectly."

The Queendom of Retrokatville has already confirmed that it considered the Court of Justice to be an excellent idea. The government of Philosophers Inc hopes that more nations will follow and that the Court of Justice will eventually become a reality. It is too early to tell at the moment whether or not this Court will reside in Philosophers Inc; it is even unclear whether or not all nations will recognise the authority of the Court of Justice. In any case, if it were up to Philosophers Inc to decide, the Court of Justice would be formed as soon as possible, preferably on the soil of this great and proud nation.

At last, I have arrived on Pandora Station. From here, I will spread my message of hope through the entire quadrant. I have yet to decorate my temple on this station, but I already have received two visitors. They, however, did not seem to be receptive to what I had to say. The first was a Starfleet Lieutenant by the name of Janssens. He is an atheist, and quite unredeemable at the first glance... But that's what makes him a challenge. May the Prophets give me the strength I need to redeem the unredeemable, to bring the will of the Prophets to those who refuse to listen to them. May I stay true to the path the Prophets have intended me to follow, and may I lift the veil of ignorance from those who choose to remain deaf.

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The entire government of Philosophers Inc has reacted with shock and dismay to the recent chain of violent events in the US. "Shocking. Absolutely shocking," described the secretary of Foreign Affairs the violence in the US this afternoon in a press conference. "We can only hope that all parties involved will sit down and talk instead of solving the situations with violence."

His words have fallen on deaf ears, however, as the army of Ariddia is preparing to invade the US to free their imprisoned citizens and rescue the rightful leader of the US, which has recently changed government. The tension throughout the entire region begins to rise to a point where escalation seems inevitable. In the aforementioned press conference, the president of our wise nation urged his fellow leaders to stay calm and solve the situation rationally. His appeal was mostly directed at B.Ush, the new self-proclaimed leader of Utter Stupidity, asking him why war seemed like such a good idea to him.

Other nations have not remained unstirred by recent events either. It is reported that Backwardistan's Relur Emerpus also is displeased about the way the Ariddian reported described his country. When the US was displayed by an Ariddian newspaper in a negative way (rightly so, according to this reporter), this was cause for the US to go to war. "We ask the rest of the international community not to get involved in this conflict," said the secretary of Foreign Affairs later on in the press conference. He expressed the hope that the Relur Emerpus would be so wise as to "hold his horses", to prevent this already delicate situation from increasing in complexity.

When asked whether or not he felt that the Ariddian newspaper article had been right about Utter Stupidity, the president replied that he couldn't share his feelings about the matter. He did say, however, that he felt that "some nations would do well to adopt Philosphers Inc's or, for that matter, Ariddia's philosophy on politics."

The president has offered to arrange peace talks between Ariddia and Utter Stupidity. The most gifted diplomats and political philosophers are standing by to travel to Ariddia and the US and view the matter philosophically, should the president's offer be accepted. Meanwhile, the military has been placed on medium alert.

"The outcome of these events may prove to affect the balance of power in the region," warned political analyst Ramp. "This situation will have long-lasting consequences if all parties involved are not extremely careful in their actions." She spoke of "region-wide trouble" if Ariddia would invade the US, but at the same time said she saw the need for a "more rightful and just government" in the US. "Perhaps a US government based on Ariddian values will strengthen instead of weaken regional stability."

I wanted to complain about Tiscali in this log entry, but Rob already beat me to it. Oh well. Suffice to say that Tiscali is not delivering any mails to me... so if I'm not replying to anything, you know why. The missing posts and mails will probably be delivered to me in the next couple of days.

Now for some happier news (for me anyway): my paper has been approved; the evaluation went well and ten studypoints are on their way to me. Woohoo! The title, if you want to know, was "Human Intelligence in Machines: Turing, French and Chatterbots" (translated title; the paper is in Dutch).

I also finished "Star Trek: The Lost Years", although I may have reported this in a previous blog... It was a nice book, if a little slow at first. I wanted to start reading "Imzadi" right after that book, but I got caught up in another book I was reading: "The Devil and God" ("Le Diable et le Bon Dieu") by Jean-Paul Sartre. I finished it yesterday. It's a play about good and evil, and in the end, the main character in the play realises that the only way for him to truly love people, is to lead them into battle, kill and punish them, and do evil. Man is thrown back into his own existence; people have an incredible fear of nothingness, of death. This is what it means to be thrown back at yourself: in death, you are nothing. In death, no one can follow. The finite existence of man implies that man is alone. God is merely an illusion to comfort the people, so says the main character. There is only the earthly life and if one dies, there is nothing anymore. The main character realises that everyone is alone and everyone suffers. To at least ease the pain of that suffering a bit, Goetz (the main character) decides to take charge over the troops and fight against the enemy. This is the only way for him to love the people he commands: to lead them into war. This paradox is fascinating, but also very depressing; which is something of a characteristic of Sartre's philosophy.

Another book I'm reading and have almost finished, is New Frontier 5: Martyr. It's a very exciting and also fun book, as are all books in the NF series. I'm looking forward to finally finishing this book (I had to stop reading it three times already in the last year due to lack of time) and to focus my attention on only one book again: "Imzadi". I hear it's great.

Back to FF: the Odyssey mission is slowly getting started. I've posted yesterday, and I want to post today as well, but I'm not going to say that, since every time I said in a blog that I wanted to post, I suddenly didn't have the time for it anymore. So, I'm not saying I'm going to post. Just so you know.

That's it for now, I guess. See you in a next blog.

Regs,
Ben.

Yesterday was blogless -- I'm sorry for that. But this log entry for today will cover what happened yesterday. Yesterday was quite interesting, actually. Hardly boring at all. Yesterday, september 18th, it was 60 years to the day that allied troops jumped out of their planes and landed on the 'Ginkelse Hei' in operation "Market Garden".

It was an impressive sight to say the least. Nine Hercules cargo/troop carrying planes flew over the heather and out of the massive flying machines jumped a total of nearly 300 people with parachutes to commemorate the event that happened sixty years ago. Of course those sixty years ago, there were a lot more than 300 people and nine planes. When you look at the camera footage taken at that time, you can clearly see that the sky is literally filled with 2000 soldiers and dozens of planes. To stand on the same place where those soldiers landed sixty years ago and to watch soldiers land there again, was, well, impressive. It was a lot easier to imagine what it must have looked like to stand on the heather and watch all those soldiers coming down. Add a number of Germans with machine guns who were bound on shooting down the helpless British soldiers who came soaring down, and the horror story is complete. Only it wasn't just a story. It really happened.

While watching the planes and the people on parachutes, Rob said something that I found to be characteristic of the situation: "This isn't just a movie, this is real," he said. Sure, we have all seen movies about the second world war (eg. "A Bridge Too Far"), but seeing something like that happen in real time and with your own eyes, and standing at the exact same place where British troops had landed sixty years ago... It just feels a lot different than just watching a movie. You simply *know* that people died at that roughly the same place where you're standing. Seeing all these people jump out of their planes gave me, at least, a better picture of what it must have been like those sixty years ago.

Also impressive was a show with four fighter planes (at least one spitfire and I don't remember the names of the other three). They are nice looking aircraft, and it was fun to see the loops, rolls and other tricks that the aircrafts performed.

Another telling quote, made by a young child when people started to jump out of the airplanes: something along the lines of: "oh, mum, I have that too, in Red Alert, that tiny people are jumping out of a plane!", referring of course to a popular computer game.

The rest of the day, I went to chat on IRC, for a while, watched an episode of "Columbo", and of course watched the two episodes of Voyager that were aired here: "Fair Haven" and "Blink of an Eye". The latter is such a great episode, in my opinion. Really original, too. If only I could write stories of mission ideas like that. ;-)

In the evening, I continued to chat of course, and I wrote a post with Velden. That's about it for yesterday. Today I read a text for language philosophy -- I only have to write something about it and then I'm finished. maybe I'll post then, or work out two mission ideas I have.

Regs,
Ben.

Again I did pretty much nothing today. Maybe it's not such a good idea to keep a blog after all... I get confronted with the fact that I'm not doing anything all day long. Sure, I did write a bit, but not much, and I didn't even post either. I was planning on writing a post today and reading a text for language philosophy, but I just didn't get to it.

I did spend quite some time reading some chapters of New Frontier, book 5. Argh. Just what I need, another book to be addicted too. These addictions take time! Oh well, I'm enjoying the book a lot, so I can't complain. Also, if I keep reading like this, I'm going to finish the book well before... something that is also time-consuming.

I can't go into much detail, since it's not official yet and there are quite some things that still need to be worked out, but I can say that it will be the end of something and the beginning of something else, in a way. Don't read too much into this -- I'm not going to blow up the world for the good of mankind, I'm not going to quit Frontier Fleet and I don't have a girlfriend (sadly). ;-) It's just that this thing has been on my mind a lot lately and recent developments have brought extra complicating issues to this matter. Those recent developments are not making it easy, anyway.

Ah well... in other news: Woohoo! I've been promoted! Or actually, Velden has been promoted. Yay! Woo! And more of those happy exclamations.

Bah, I don't really have a lot to say anymore. My life is simply not interesting enough. *Cries* Okay, enough of my daily self pity. Time to write some posts! Oh, and time to end this silly log as well. :-P

Regs,
Ben.

Why did she do it? Why? I know it's silly and probably even crazy that I'm not over it, but in the spirits' sakes, why? She told me that she didn't know if she was ready for a relationship... Well, I've seen how ready she was. Only a few hours after turning me down, she started a relationship with that... that... Vok!

I suppose I need to calm down. But I don't want to calm down, dammit! Sorry, I shouldn't let myself go like that. It really pains me, though, to see Jessica and Vok together, when she could have been with me. I... I don't know, I just feel... jealous, I guess. Angry, mostly. After our breakfast together, when she rejected me, I knew I had made a mistake, and I keep going over everything I've said to her. I have come to the conclusion that if I simply said different things, Jessica Truesdale would now be with me instead of with Vok. If only I behaved differently, said other things...

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Okay, well, to get the third message of this log started, Day Two Since The Frontier Fleet Blogs Came Online has already passed noon. I have gone to the university today for a conversation with my instructor about my essay -- actually, it's more like an evaluation. Knowing that I would finally receive those ten studypoints today, I happily went all the way from Ede to Nijmegen.

Turns out that she didn't know I was coming and doesn't have enough time today. I can come back next week.

Oh well, I'll just come back next week. While I was there, I did copy the texts I needed for the course Philosophical Anthropology. It took two whole copycards (each of 115 points) to copy all of it. I guess I will have a lot to read.

My plans for the rest of the day: I plan to post, post, post, maybe finish "The Lost Years", post, post, watch a movie, post, write a story and post. Give or take a few posts.

That's it for now; hopefully my next message here will be a little less silly and a little more interesting. Either that, or the other way around.

Regards,
Ben.

I have begun to watch some fan-made movies... well, only three actually. I discovered New Voyages a few months ago, and initially I watched in horror and utter laughter as the crew of the 'old' Enterprise was hideously played by second-- no, third rate actors. It was painfully obvious that these people were acting, and although the computer-created special effects (of space battles, anyway) and the exterior of the ship was enough to make any CGI/StarTrek loving person drool, the acting performances ruined the whole show for me.

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It's bound to be the in all the Frontier Fleet blogs, but let me say it as well: Yay! Frontier Fleet members have blogs now!

And since I have a blog, I will most likely be using it to inform all of you readers (all one of them :-P) when I am planning to post, if I'm posting, if I have posted or if I will post with a number of characters. Yes, you've guessed it; my life resolves around posting. But that's nothing new. Frontier Fleet is simply the best; it's fun to post. But I'm preaching to the converted.

Occasionally, I will be putting some of the things here that I have experienced during the day or week or whatever. Yes, it may surprise you, but I have a life. And I'm proud of it. For instance, tomorrow I'm (proudly) going to the university for a final meeting with my instructor, who guided me through the arduous process of writing a long essay/paper. Minimum was 15 pages -- I have 25. I think I may have overdone it. But there was no maximum, so that worked out all right. This conversation with my instructor will be a purely formal one, or at least that's the idea. When I go home again tomorrow, I will have 10 more studypoints. :-)

I would hate to ruin the first blog with a statement that I really don't feel like posting right now, but I really don't feel like posting right now. I'm contemplating finishing "The Lost Years", a Star Trek book, but that might make me pay less attention to the chat. Same with other activities which may increase my posting mood, I guess.

Oh, one final warning before I post this first message of my blog: I often write long posts, so I will write long messages here as well. Sorry about that. Read them if you want.

Okay, time to end this log for now. Velden out.

~Oh crap, wrong blog.~